expensive pavement."
49
"I'm completely sure," I replied
confidently, handing him a certified
copy of the state survey and the county
deed. "This is my land. They paved over
it without asking. I want the fence
exactly on this line. Not an inch over,
not an inch short."
The foreman grinned broadly,
clearly recognizing the impending
suburban chaos. "Alright then. We'll
50
directly up the hill, slicing the
expensive parking lot precisely in half.
The absolute best part, however, was
the clubhouse entrance. The property
line ran exactly two inches away from
the grand, glass double doors of the
Head Office.
The crew expertly stretched the
heavy chain-link across the posts,
securing it tightly with thick metal ties.
When they reached the clubhouse
56
doors, they didn't flinch or hesitate.
They ran the fence straight across the
entrance, completely caging the doors
behind an impenetrable wall of steel.
Anyone inside would be permanently
trapped, and anyone outside couldn't
get in without scaling an eight-foot
barbed-wire barricade.
By 8:30 AM, the fence was entirely
complete. It was an absolute
monstrosity—an ugly, aggressive,
57
industrial scar cutting through the very
heart of the luxurious Harmony Lake
Estates. To add the perfect final touch, I
walked along the length of the fence,
securely zip-tying bright orange "NO
TRESPASSING - PRIVATE PROPERTY"
signs every ten feet.
Just as the construction crew was
packing up their tools, a sleek black
Mercedes turned the corner and sped
toward the clubhouse. It came to a
58
screeching, smoky halt in the middle of
the road. The door flew open, and
Brenda stepped out. She was holding a
cup of gourmet coffee and a stack of
important papers, but both slipped
from her hands and crashed to the
ground as she stared at the chain-link
curtain that had violently consumed
her empire.
Her mouth opened and closed
silently like a fish out of water. She
59
looked at the fence, then at the blocked
entrance of her beloved clubhouse, and
finally, her eyes locked onto me
standing calmly on the other side of the
wire.
"What... what is this?!" she
shrieked, her voice cracking in
hysterical, entirely unfiltered disbelief.
"What have you done to my building?!"
60
"Good morning, Brenda," I said
with a polite, cheerful wave. "I decided
to finally take your advice and improve
my property by putting up a fence.
Don't worry, it's all perfectly legal."
61