She scribbled furiously on a carbon-copy ticket, tore off the yellow slip, and aggressively slapped it under the windshield wiper of my truck. I watched her do it, a slow smile starting to spread across my face. I realized then that while I was away, this woman had somehow convinced herself—and likely her neighbors—that she was the undisputed queen of the mountain.
"Are you smiling at me?" she demanded, hands planted firmly on her hips. "You think the law is a joke? We'll see who's smiling when you're walking back to the highway on foot."
"Oh, I take the law very seriously, Brenda," I replied smoothly, picking up my duffel bag. "But by all means, make your calls. I'm going to go make a pot of coffee. Let me know when the tow truck gets here."
I left Brenda fuming on the dirt driveway and walked inside my cabin. The air was stale, but everything was exactly as I had left it. I opened a few windows to let the mountain breeze in, filled the old percolator with water, and set it on the stove. Through the kitchen window, I had a perfect view of my truck and Brenda, who was currently pacing back and forth, screaming into her cell phone.
True to her word, it didn't take long for her reinforcements to arrive. About twenty minutes later, a heavy-duty tow truck rumbled up my driveway, its amber lights flashing against the tree line. Brenda waved the driver down frantically, pointing at my truck like it was an active bomb.
I poured myself a cup of black coffee, grabbed the heavy, fireproof lockbox from my grandfather's old desk, and walked back out onto the front porch. The tow truck driver, a burly guy in grease-stained overalls, was hooking up winch cables to the front axle of my pickup.
"Morning!" I called out cheerfully, taking a slow sip of my coffee. "Beautiful day for a drive, isn't it?"
The driver looked up, startled. Brenda immediately pointed at me. "That's the squatter! Hook it up, Gary. Get that piece of junk out of my neighborhood."
I walked down the porch steps and approached Gary. "Gary, before you attach that hook, I highly recommend you take a look around. You are currently parked on private property. If you attempt to move my vehicle, I will have you arrested for grand theft auto, and I will sue your towing company for trespassing and damages."
Gary hesitated, looking back and forth between me and a very irate Brenda. "Look, buddy," Gary muttered, "Brenda called me. She said this was an abandoned vehicle violating HOA rules. I’m just doing my job."