The next morning, Karen was waiting for me at the mailbox, her arms crossed.
"You interrupted my charge cycle," she stated flatly.
"You stole my electricity again."
"Don’t use dramatic language."
"It came through my meter, Karen."
"The amount is negligible."
"Then use your own meter."
"My garage circuit is under evaluation."
"By who?"
She blatantly ignored the question. "I’m the HOA president."
There it was. I had begun to suspect that Karen believed that title worked the way diplomatic immunity worked in spy movies.
"I don’t care," I told her.
Her expression hardened. "You should."
"No."
"I can make your life very difficult here."
I stared at her in disbelief. "For refusing to pay to charge your car?"
"For refusing to cooperate with reasonable neighborhood needs."
"It’s your private vehicle!"
She stepped closer, dropping her voice. "Be careful how you speak to me."
I laughed. I really shouldn’t have. Karen absolutely hated being laughed at.
That very afternoon, a notification pinged in my inbox.
NOTICE OF EXTERIOR MAINTENANCE REVIEW
Your fence requires power washing.
Two shrubs require immediate trimming.
The mailbox post requires fresh paint.
Your driveway displays "visible discoloration."
They were all technically possible violations within the strict bylaws, and all conveniently sent the day after I unplugged her car. I spent my weekend washing the fence, trimming the shrubs, and painting the mailbox. I did absolutely nothing about the driveway because the alleged "discoloration" was literally just a shadow from an oak tree.
Then, I started paying closer attention. Over the next six weeks, my outdoor outlet was used at least nine times. Sometimes I caught the cable in the act; sometimes I only saw trampled marks in the dewy grass; sometimes I woke up to find the protective outlet cover hanging open.
Karen became more careful. She started her charging sessions after 1:00 a.m. The extension line began appearing buried under the hedge instead of draped over the lawn. Once, she even tried covering part of it with mulch.
That was when I stopped confronting her. Not because I gave up, but because arguing was producing nothing useful. Karen denied, Karen threatened, and Karen cited imaginary HOA authority. Then, she just did exactly what she wanted anyway.